


Bitty Tweets

by Downward Stroke (casual_distance)



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Bitty's Twitter, Crack, Gen, Humor, M/M, Samwell Men's Hockey Team - Freeform, See Individual stories for more tags/info
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-07 13:52:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7717336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casual_distance/pseuds/Downward%20Stroke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>140 characters is just the tip of the iceberg with the Samwell Men's Hockey Team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dex: As long as there isn't anyone chirping over my shoulder, sure I think I can

**Author's Note:**

> A series of ficlets inspired by Bitty's tweets. [The series is here on tumblr](http://downwardstroke.tumblr.com/tagged/bitty-tweets-series/chrono). 
> 
> I'll note any ratings or warnings on each chapter. If there is no rating, it's gen or teen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has major character death, but it's a crack fic through-and-through.

“Hey, Bitty, I got your text,” Dex called as he entered the Haus, slamming the door shut behind him. He hitched his bag up higher on his shoulder and headed into the kitchen.

“Bitty?” Dex froze in the kitchen doorway, eyes going wide. Nursey lay spread across the kitchen table, arms dangling over the sides. Bitty stepped in front of him, eyes wide and manic. He clutched a bloody knife in his hand.

“ _There_ you are!” Bitty exclaimed, reaching out to grab Dex by the arm and drag him further into the room. “What took you so long? Whatever- doesn’t matter- what matters is that Betsy is on the fritz again and I _cannot_ deal with this right now. You need to fix her. I _told_ you I’d make sure that no one bothered you, so you just sit right down and get her workin’ again.”

Dex let himself be led across the room, his eyes riveted to Nursey’s body. He half expected Nursey to jump and shout “Got ya!” but the blank eyes and slowly spreading pool of blood across the kitchen floor dissuaded the other half.

Movement caught Dex’s attention and he turned his head to find Ransom and Holster curled into the opposite corner of the kitchen together, clutching at each other, blood smeared across the faces. Ransom had his head tucked into Holster’s shoulder, but Holster met Dex’s eyes and slowly shook his head.

“Dex! Are you even listening to me?” Bitty demanded.

Dex’s head snapped around to stare at Bitty, who frowned up at him, hands on his hips, knife still held tightly. Dex swallowed nervously.

“Yeah, uh, of- of course. I’ll get Betsy going Don’t- uh, don’t-” Dex trailed off and swallowed again. Bitty gave a nod and pointed to the counter with his knife.

“I’ll be right over here, preparing pie crust, because I _know_ you’ll have her fixed in no time!”

Sweat dripped down Dex’s neck. He gave a jerky nod and lowered himself to the floor, inching away as Nursey’s blood slowly crept toward him.


	2. Study Buddies

Bitty tucked his fist under his chin and frowned at the pair across the library from him. Jack flipped a page in his book, then went still again. Bitty glanced at his phone. Lardo shifted, lifting her head to look at Jack. Bitty raised his own head, eyes wide, attention on her. Lardo rotated her chin one direction and then the other, cracking her neck audibly. Jack didn’t even glance up.

Bitty sighed as she went back to her own reading and marked a tally in the margin of his text book.

“Whatcha doin’, Bits?” a voice whispered in his ear.

Bitty squeaked and tried to jerk away only to crash into a warm, solid body on his other side. Bitty spun in his seat before gasping out an annoyed swear.

“Ya’ll ‘bout gave me a heart attack,” he growled, kicking at Ransom’s foot.

Holster laughed and ruffled Bitty’s hair. Bitty scowled and ducked down toward the desk away from his hand. Ransom spread his books across the desk and then buried his nose in one, muttering under his breath. Holster tossed his bag on the desk and slung his arm across the back of Bitty’s chair.

“What’s that?” he asked, gesturing to the tally Bitty had been keeping.

Bitty pointed with his pen. “They have not said one word since they sat down. This is every time I think they are.”

Holster followed Bitty’s gaze to Jack and Lardo and laughed. Neither of them looked up, but a girl a table over hissed angrily at them.

“Bits, Lards and Jack never talk when they study together.”

“I _know_ ,” Bitty whined. “I don’t get it. How? Even Ransom talks.”

Holster looked over Bitty’s head at his d-man partner and grinned. “He doesn’t say much.”

“Yeah, but they don’t say anything. Not even, like, pass me that pencil. And _he does_.”

Holster raised his eyebrows at Bitty and then turned to watch Jack and Lardo. Lardo leaned back in her chair, dragging her book off the table and into her lap. Jack looked up and raised an eyebrow. Lardo shrugged at him. They both went back to their books.

Holster glanced over at Bitty as he marked down another tally. “How long have you been watching them?” he asked.

Bitty looked at his phone. “32 minutes.”

Ransom hissed under his breath and tossed his book across the table. A couple of students glared at them. Bitty flushed and ducked his head, but Holster ignored them. Ransom flicked another book open and started scribbling in a notebook, still muttering under his breath.

Across the room, Jack reached up to scratch the back of his neck. He set his hand on the desk and tapped his fingers. Lardo reached out and pushed his water bottle closer to him. Jack glanced up at her briefly before he grabbed it and drank. Bitty added another tally mark.

Holster and Bitty continued to watch. Over the next 30 minutes he added tally marks for Lardo sneezing and Jack handing her a tissue without prompting, Jack clearing his throat three times until Lardo got up to refill his water bottle without being asked, and two different bathroom trips indicated with nods and tips of the head.

At some point, Ransom stopped reading and folded his arms across his books to also watch.

“They haven’t said anything?” he asked.

Holster pushed his glasses up his nose. "No _pe_.“ He popped the "p”.

Lardo stood up to stretch, arching her back and stretching her arms above her head. She yawned loudly and then dropped back down into her seat. Jack frowned at her, and she shrugged back.

Bitty sighed and added another mark.

“I don’t get it. How can they go an _hour_ without talking to each other?” he asked.

“Bro, Jack’s like the king of silence.”

“Yeah, not everyone’s a chatterbox like you, Bits.”

“Oh shut up,” Bitty huffed. He scowled down at his book and picked up his phone, opening the Twitter app. "I swear,“ he muttered to himself. "They have to be psychic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Bonus:**
> 
> Jack shifted to see his phone better, carefully hunting and pecking his letters.
> 
> _To: Lardo_   
>  _You think theyll figure out were texting_
> 
> Lardo tucked her chin into the collar of her hoodie to hide her smile.
> 
> _To: Jack_   
>  _Nope. They haven’t even realized we can hear them._


	3. Pies & Pucks: A 2017 Hockey Pastry Calendar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tease your tastebuds with this downloadable calendar featuring the Samwell Men’s Hockey Team favorites!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [inspired by Bitty's tweet](http://omgeverythingplease.tumblr.com/post/147289916360/tweet-1-2-3-4)
> 
>  
> 
> [on tumblr](http://downwardstroke.tumblr.com/post/149436497013/pies-pucks-a-2017-hockey-pastry-calendar-tease)

  
**October Spotlight:**  
Chris "Chowder" Chow, #55, Goalie

  
**January Spotlight:**  
Larissa "Lardo" Duan, SMHT Manager

  
**August Spotlight:**  
Jack Zimmermann, #1, Forward, (Former) Captain

  
**June Spotlight:**  
Justin "Ransom" Oluransi, #11, Defense, Co-Captain  
Adam "Holster" Birkholtz, #4, Defense, Co-Captain

Tease your tastebuds with this downloadable calendar featuring the Samwell Men’s Hockey Team favorites:

  * Larissa “Lardo” Duan, Team Manager
  * Derek “Nursey” Nurse, #28, Defenseman
  * Justin “Ransom” Oluransi, #11, Defenseman, Co-Captain
  * William “Dex” Poindexter, #24, Defenseman
  * Eric “Bitty” Bittle, #15, Forward
  * Adam “Holster” Birkholtz, #4, Defenseman, Co-Captain
  * Jack Zimmermann, #1, Forward, (Former) Captain
  * Chris “Chowder” Chow, #55, Goalie
  * B. “Shitty” Knight, #42, Forward



 

* * *

 

[2017 Digital Calendar](http://goo.gl/Sf1jde) \- _Each calendar is a page of the PDF (114MB)_  
[2017 Printable Calendar](http://goo.gl/kwLQGK) \- _3 calendars per page to be printed on an 8 ½ in. x 11 in. sheet of paper (102MB)_  
[2017 Simple Printable Calendar](http://goo.gl/v8ccKo) \- _same as above with no backgrounds for faster printing (100MB)_


End file.
